that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
