We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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