i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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