literally had 100 drinks last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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