just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
