Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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