idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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