Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
