Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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