There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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