She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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