Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
