Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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