i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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