But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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