my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
