can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
