the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
