dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
