"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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