So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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