I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
