He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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