i love accidental penises.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
