Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
