Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
