If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
