I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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