Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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