24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize