so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
