Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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