party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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