Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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