I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
