I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
