Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
