Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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