her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she peed on how many people?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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