i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
