Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
