Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
