Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize