we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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