I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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