she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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