is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
