ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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