Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think people are normalizing furries
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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