Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
