I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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