genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i will never coherently bang her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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