I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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