Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
