i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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