I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
