enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
