I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
