There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
