My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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