you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
