she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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