You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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