Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
