She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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