you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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