When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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